i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
