Little spoons don't ask big questions
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
you made out with another girl for some wings
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
