i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
