hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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