I showed him my bush... on skype.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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