I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
