he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
