That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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