sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
