I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
