thus making me awesome and them whores
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
