He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
