pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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