FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
