Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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