You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
