i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
