yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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