I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
