Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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