She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
