so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
