She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
