I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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