Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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