Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
