As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
