11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
