I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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