Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
