my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
