On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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