the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
