it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
