I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
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