I feel like abortions should bother me more
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
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