I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
What drink are we having for lunch?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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