actually, I'm a sock model
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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