Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
