you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
