dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
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