yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
