"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
