i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
