I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
