There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
