We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
