I think i sorta joined a cult last night
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
