so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
