If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
