Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
