Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I'm going to jail i love you
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
