It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
