Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
