His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
We left an ass print on the piano.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
