You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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