I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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