Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
i out mim tonsoeep
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