I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
so let's talk penis.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
